Simply Nahala

Writer. Photographer. Soul Traveler.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Soul Mates

I grew up with a Cinderella Complex. I thought that I would meet "the love of my life" and we would start a family and live happily ever after. Not! I do not claim to be an expert on this subject, nor do I think anyone else is other than our own inner wisdom. We are all on a unique journey and have stuff to work out. It's important to claim our power and be the captain of our own ship. One of the greatest ways to learn and grow is through soul mate relationships. This can be a lover, friend, brother, sister, parent, child, co-worker, teacher, etc.

What I have noticed as an observer and in my own life is that some soul mate relationships are easier than others. Some couples have a deep connection with one another with little strife and are able to surf the waves of life in a very cohesive way. They evolve together. Other couples are always at odds and tend to drag each other through the mud. Based on the Law of Attraction, we are responsible for attracting and consenting to every relationship we have had. As a young woman, I was very insecure and would attract relationships that reflected my vibration. Needless to say, I've been in some very challenging relationships and no one is to blame because we are here to learn and grow from each other.

What is a soul mate anyway? I believe a soul mate is an individual that we have a history or connection with outside of this lifetime or perceived reality. We have many and made a mutual agreement to come together for personal growth during this lifetime. Have you ever met someone new and felt an instant bond? Like you have known him or her forever? On the contrary, have you met someone and right away you didn't want to have anything to do with the individual? In either case, this person is a soul mate. A friend or foe entering our life to help us focus on specific issues. When I am angry and hurt, it helps to remember that each person and relationship is Divine in nature. An opportunity to expand the soul. This can be difficult to accept on a planet where there is so much violence and hatred towards each other for just simply being different than the cultural norm.

This person can be in a supportive role or press our buttons in an attempt to heal suppressed issues. Maybe we need to learn boundaries, how to laugh, how to stand our ground, how to be courageous, how to trust, how to love, how to have self-worth, or how to forgive past hurts. Soul mates help us work this stuff out by providing a mirror for us. My mom always told me that when we point a finger at someone, there are three more pointing back at us. Pay attention to what your triggers are. For example, I have created situations in my life where I feel disempowered or trapped. A form of self-denial, which has caused me to feel undeserving of abundance. Consequently, I yearn for "freedom" in all aspects of my life.

I'll admit that I have thought and said that if my partner would do this or that, I would be happy. It's not my fault, it's his fault! After living with this mindset for many years, I have found this approach to be superfluous. Rather than blame someone else for our unhappiness, we must take an honest look at ourselves. What is the individual or situation teaching us? Focus on the good that has transpired. The revelations. Don't dwell on the darker aspects of the experience. It is not our job to change someone else or to justify our position. This opens the door for strife and division. It puts everyone involved on the defensive. I have learned that change must occur from within.

We often look outside ourselves to feel worthy and loved. Many of us are always trying to fill that "void." That feeling of not being good enough, worthy enough to be loved and valued. Consequently, we are always searching outside of ourselves to get "that fix." Maybe it's a career, food, sex, another person, drugs, material items, TV, etc. A distraction that keeps us disconnected from ourselves and from doing the work of releasing emotional pain. The truth is that the satisfaction is only temporary and true happiness can only come from within. The more we learn to love ourselves first, the more we are able to accept love from others. By having self-respect which is very loving, we will attract healthy friendships and romances based on mutual respect.

Right now in my life, I'm learning to have a love affair with myself. This isn't always fun or exciting. Sometimes I get lonely and start to panic, but it is in these moments that great healing occurs. Rather than placating with something, I have to figure out how to be happy with me. This involves facing my demons, letting go of the past, living in the now, not worrying about the future, not worrying what others think about me, and really honoring and trusting my intuition. I have also made it my life long mission to develop my unique soul talents in order to make a difference on this planet as well as nurture all things that bring me peace and joy!

One of my favorite books on this subject is Edgar Cayce on Soul Mates written by Kevin J. Tedeschi. Please feel free to elaborate more on this subject in the comment section below. I would love to read about your perspective and other soul mate relationships!

Words To Live By

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong; but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I Corinthians 13:4-7

Your Soul Friend,


  1. I am at a cross road in my life after my husband of 30 years passed away 1-1-14. It's been quite the year of processing my new life - who am I, what do I want to be, what do I want to do with my life? So many things swirling in confusion in my brain.
    Tonight I found your site from a round about search for something else that brought me hear. I'm looking forward to reading your blog

    1. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband Joyce! I'm glad that you found my blog and hope you find something that resonates with you. Much Love

  2. Hi Jan,

    Just a quick note to say I resonated with your line, "We often look outside ourselves to feel worthy and loved. Many of us are always trying to fill that "void." That feeling of not being good enough, worthy enough to be loved and valued." Bingo. That was me for a long time, prior to realizing that I was an undiagnosed Adult Child. I now have a place to go twice a week, a book and workbook to use, and other Adult Children with which to embark on this amazing journey of healing, i.e. of loving and accepting yourself unconditionally. Check the website out at: Thanks again for being real, being brave. Ted