Simply Nahala

Writer. Photographer. Soul Traveler.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Inner Peace


My neighbor caught me outside a few weeks ago. He said, "You're a recluse now." So be it. I've been an anti-social hermit this past year while healing from post-concussion syndrome. Unable and unwilling to participate in the frantic pace of life.

I've always been extremely sensitive to all things- people, places, celestial energy, world events, etc. Because I feel so much, I've often felt a bit frazzled inside. Prone to stress and anxiety. However, after the brain injury, I've had full-blown anxiety and panic attacks. Bursting into tears one minute, then raging the next. Something within me just snapped. Any insecurities hidden deep within have been shaken loose and exposed for all to see.

I've been told that this is common with a brain injury. I've found the roller coaster of emotions to be exhausting, humiliating and painful. I feel like a wild filly that has been broken. In a place of surrender. Turning towards the very emotions that cause me pain and discomfort rather than trying to analyze, fix or suppress how I'm feeling. Deep down I know this is where I must be to heal.

I'm finally working with doctors and a speech pathologist that I trust. They take the time to listen. This has been a game changer for me. At this stage in healing, they are a godsend. I'm extremely grateful for their expertise and guidance as I have been a beautiful mess. I say "beautiful" because I need to be kind and loving towards myself. Self-critical thoughts such as feeling like a failure or unworthy just keep me stuck in a place that blocks peace and joy from entering my life.

I'm a different person now. Once on one career path, now I must choose another. My memory is not what it use to be and a fairly simple task can become overwhelming for me. The blessing here is that my brain is teaching me to live in the present moment. To be compassionate towards myself. I'm nurturing my inner world through meditation, forgiveness, and acceptance. The fear, guilt, and shame are starting to dissipate. Self-respect and self-acceptance remain.

Love and Acceptance,
Jan




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